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Great Idea For a Song

from Faster Than A Speeding Mullet by Worm Quartet

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Matthew Leger
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jaywalkingly
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#1 most requested song of the year on the Dr. Demento show, 2004

lyrics

Remember when we used to hold each other close
And gaze so deeply in each others’ eyes
Remember how I said I’d never let you go
And how you swore you’d never tell me lies
(You do? Well…)
All I remember is the way you nonchalantly
squashed my heart just like a cockroach on the floor
All I remember is the happiness I felt
the day I finally kicked your skank ass out the door

Remember when you were the best part of my life
The reason I got up to face the day
Remember how you swore you’d always stay by me
And love me for forever come what may
(You do? Well…)
All I remember is the nights you’d go out drinking
and I’d pray the cops would find you somewhere dead
All I remember is the way that all my dishes
became airborne and flew right into my head

Now please don’t think I’m ranting cuz I’m bitter
I’ve found somebody new and I’ve moved on
But if only your name rhymed with twisted psychotic slut
I’d have a great idea for a song

Remember how we used to drive down to the beach
And walk along the seashore hand in hand
Remember how we used to sit and watch the waves
And spell out our initials in the sand
(You do? Well…)
All I remember is the whining and the moaning
and the griping about every little thing
All I remember is how soundly I could sleep
when I dreamt of your lifeless body festering

Now please don’t think that this is all just hindsight
I’ve felt this way about you for so long
And if only your name rhymed with sadistic lying bitch
I’d have a great idea for a song

Oh your name…might as well
Rhyme with psycho whore from south of hell
Cuz of all the crap you put me through back then
Oh if only your mom and dad
Had named you something that rhymed with “walking talking maxipad”
Think of all the clever tunes I could have penned

Cuz Becky rhymes with yecky
And Missy rhymes with pissy
And Susie rhymes with floozie
And Patty rhymes with fatty


And Eleanor rhymes with smelly whore
And Marigold rhymes with hairy-holed
And Lauren rhymes with scorin’

Celia Linda Park rhymes with “Feel ya in the dark”
Daisy Rhoda York rhymes with “Easy ho ta pork”
Rhonda Lynn Mae Stutback rhymes with “Fondlin’ my buttcrack”
I’d pay you to change your name to Shelly Hunt

HEY!

Remember when your latest hunk of throbbing meat
Had left you for a tighter piece of ass
Remember when you called me sobbing on the phone
And begged me to forgive you for your past
(You do? Well…)
All I remember is that lab rats don’t push levers
After taking an electric shock or two
I’d rather duct tape a live wire to my groin
than take a death march down memory lane with you

Now please don’t think I want to be your friend now
I’d rather see John Goodman in a thong
But if only your name rhymed with back-stabbing heartless tramp
I’d have a great idea for a song
Yes if only your name rhymed with manipulative conniving whore
I’d have a great idea for a song
Yeah if only your name rhymed with worthless cheating worm-ridden butt-ugly bile-sucking skanky smelly slutty waste of flesh, fat, and bone that makes me want to donate my entire life savings to NASA in the hopes that someday they’ll make a time machine and I can retroactively give your parents a box of condoms
I’d have great idea for a song

credits

from Faster Than A Speeding Mullet, released February 28, 2004

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