Get all 10 Worm Quartet releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Carpe Tedium, Take The Fire Back (Prometheus Has Left The Building), The Pac-Man EP, Entire Dog, Fueled By Angst, Songs of the Maniacs, Mental Notes, Faster Than A Speeding Mullet, and 2 more.
1. |
Potential Spam
00:26
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2. |
More of the Same
01:23
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Don't call it a comeback
Cuz that'd imply I'd had success before
And now I'm back for more
That's not the case here
If anything my new stuff is comparatively lame
At best it's more of the same
I rocked my groove until it turned into a rut
Won't make you raise the roof or bang your head or shake your butt
But if you've been a fan of me since way back in the day
You're probably too old for that nonsense anyway
Straight outta concepts
I'm treading water in the fodder
Where I already swam when my career wasn't dammed
But now it's stagnant
I wanna try some Diff'rent Strokes
But my muse is half-dead and writing Webster instead
And though I still encounter things that make me pissed
A Twitter post's enough to drop the wit and give the gist
To make a song ya gotta write more words and make 'em rhyme
And honestly that sounds like too much work and too much time.
Not breaking new ground
I'm just digging and I'm digging in my comfortable hole
Like an OCD mole
Yeah, and it's deep too!
And it's gettin' so I can't even see my way out
And soon you won't hear me shout
But as long as you still wanna hear my noises
As long as I can rock out for the nerdy girls and boyses
And if you wanna hear about my job my kid my wife
Then welcome to my crisis cuz I'm midway through my life
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3. |
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My job gave me a poncho
My job gave me a poncho
A thoughtful token of esteem come straight from our head honcho
My job gave me a poncho
A corporate-branded poncho
What a great way for a company to tell you that they wantcho
IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A GODDAMNED ECO-FRIENDLY PONCHO!
IT'S WATER-RESISTANT AND IT SNAPS AT THE NECK!
IT'S GOT A ROOMY HOOD AND ITS STYLIN' AS HECK!
I work twelve hours every day
And sacrifice enjoyment
I don't get paid for overtime
It's salaried employment
But they promised they'd reward me
For serving them so good
And what says "thank you" better
Than a trash bag with a hood?
IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A ONE-SIZE-FITS-MOST-ADULTS PONCHO!
IT COMES IN A SPORTY BAG THAT'S MESH LIKE A NET!
MADE OF EVA FABRIC TO PROTECT ME FROM WET!
What did I do to deserve a garment so divine?
Such exquisite finery I can't believe it's mine
The logo of my company emblazoned on the right
But still close to my heart as I slave on into the night
Wrap it around me when the cold winds start to blow
Just like a big warm hug straight from our CEO
I thought maybe I'd just get y'know a pay raise or whatever
But money comes and money goes - PONCHOS ARE FOREVER!
I cancelled my vacation to
meet arbitrary end dates
I sat through every training vid
Read every company mandate
I signed away my patent rights
For every innovation
But now I'm moderately shielded
From light precipitation
WITH MY PONCHO! IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A COMPACT UNISEX PONCHO!
WITH THIS RAIN-RESISTANT THANK YOU NOTE DRAPED OVER ME
I LOOK LIKE THOSE THINGS FROM JOURNEY ON THE PLAYSTATION 3!
BUT IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A PONCHO! IT'S A BULK-PURCHASED CORPORATE BRANDED PONCHO!
THOUGH IT'S NOT HEALTH INSURANCE OR A 401k
I'VE GOT "RECIPIENT OF PONCHO" ON MY RESUME!
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4. |
Entire Dog
02:00
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Oh my god! (Oh my god!)
It's a dog! (It's a dog!)
I saw a dog! (It's a dog!)
I just saw an entire dog! (It's a dog!)
A whole dog! (it's a dog!)
I just observed more than twice of 47% of a dog!
I don't mean I saw half a dog twice
Cuz that's the same half of the dog, it doesn't count the second time!
I don't even mean I saw half each of two dogs
I'm talking about a full single contiguous dog
I saw a dog! (It's a dog!)
A full dog! (It's a dog!)
I just saw an entire dog! (It's a dog!)
A whole dog! (it's a dog!)
A quantity of exactly one dog!
We've seen a lot of things
But nothing could prepare us
For visual confirmation
Of canis familiarus
I can't believe it's happening
My eyes are all full
One over Avogadro's number
times the molecules in a mole of DOG
I saw a dog!
A full dog!
I just saw an entire dog!
A whole dog!
I observed precisely one standard unit of dog
Not 100 centidogs
Not 1000 millidogs
Not a million microdogs
I SAW A DOG
Not 100 centidogs
Not 1000 millidogs
Not a million microdogs
I SAW A DOG
Not 100 centidogs
Not 1000 millidogs
Not a million microdogs
I SAW PRECISELY A DOG
A full dog! (It's a dog!)
I saw a dog! (It's a dog!)
I just saw an entire dog! (It's a dog!)
A whole dog! (it's a dog!)
Seriously I didn't just like round up from a good chunk of a dog
COUNT THIS DOG
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5. |
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Back in the day
My parents said an hour's all the time that I could play
Star Raiders Pac-Man Donkey Kong and Agent USA
But if instead I programmed, well, then I could sit and stay
Eyes locked upon the pixels 'til my retinas burned away
I rocked Atari BASIC with more love with every line
Creative and mathematic skills were finally combined
I learned to count in binary by the time that I was nine
The games I wrote weren't Galaga but dammit they were MINE
And I loved to spend each night
Bathed in the bright blue light
Of the Amdek CRT
And I dreamed one day my skills
Would truly pay the bills
And that I could make a living doing what I loved doing for free
And so flash forward to September 1993
The time had come to make it real and go for my degree
I signed up for my classes in the field of double-E
And took CS electives, got an A++ in C
Snatched up right after college to begin my new career
My parents were so proud of their new software engineer
My first job with no hair net and my future looked so clear
I got four Dilbert calendars at Christmas time that year
And now I spend my days
Bathed in the dullish haze
From my big Dell LCD
And with each morning's light
I close my eyes and fight
To convince myself that this is how I wanted life to be
Wake up and work go home make dinner put the kid to bed.
Tim, don’t be sad, I know it’s been a minute
Since VH-1 premiered the Pac-Man clip it’s true, they didn’t
Show the part they said they would where you performed a song
The point is that your art is great, and it does not belong
On the cutting room floor.
You agree, I’m guessing
Your family is amazing and your day job is a blessing
And the albums that you make are classics every one
I own a lot of awesome work I found up on the FuMP
But Rochester is freezing and now Water Street is closed
We’re only getting older, Lake Ontario is cold!
You’ve always got your music and you’ve always got your team
Of Ian, Devo Spice, Luke Ski and Dr. D
And lots of hardcore fans and friends who all adore
The way you strike a balance, and when you close the door
To make the songs that tell the truth with humor, pain, and passion
Never quit creating, man, that’s really all I’m asking.
Wake up and work go home make dinner put the kid to bed.
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6. |
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Math is bullshit, it's all just made up. Science jerks invented numbers and said they do stuff. They made it all complex and made it hard to do so they could say "nyeah nyeah we're smarter than you!" But math is natural, it's found everywhere! Oh yeah then what's the fucking square root of a bear? That's not how it works, you just don't see. That sounds like more bullshit excuses to me. But a bear isn't a number, you see that's why… Ah, so only your made up constructs apply. Numbers are made up? Dude, your brain's not good. Well when's the last time you saw a twelve shit in the woods? Math is bullshit, there's just no such thing. It's not like fucking fractions bloom in the spring. Science jerks made it up to pretend they got smarts while the rest of us just sit around and laugh at our farts. Math's a universal language that we all understand! Oh yeah? Then why aren't equations read at poetry jams? But you can use it to predict how the natural world works! Then what's the average of a sunset and a pile of dirt? Wait...just...what...bleee? See, your lies fall apart under close scrutiny! But...I...I...I need a drink. See what happened there bitch? I just taught you to think! Math is bullshit, you see what I mean? Calculators are just automated lying machines. Give it up, science jerks, now you've had your fun, but you’ve finally been exposed, your deception is done!
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7. |
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Seven in the morning and I’m sick of all of this again
I shoulda gone to bed but I don’t seem to have the discipline
To close a stupid tab, close a fuckin’ window
Gotta fill the hollow, got to wallow in the info.
Swallowin’ the info.
Following the status quo.
Someone wrote a post about their childhood, but I can top it.
Have to take this survey to identify my inner Muppet.
Argue Doctor Who, fight about Benghazi.
Says I’m Sam the Eagle but I think I’m really Fozzie.
I really think I’m Fozzie.
But are you Pavement or Fugazi?
Infobesity
Infobesity
Upvote, retweet, someone agrees with me
Infobesity
Infobesity
Every social channel takes another little piece of me
Mention my connection to the latest dead celebrity then
Cyberstalk a person more successful than I’ll ever be
I Start to feel depressed so then I vaguebook “I am stressed” again
Then cyberhugs, my anti-drugs, my friends are just the best. (Wowww.)
You guise, I’m really blessed. (Wowww.)
I think that I’ll get dressed now!
I spend a couple hours in a massive multiplayer circus
Grinding at my keyboard in pursuit of ultimately worthless
Social stimuli, I try achievement simulation
Buying cyber-junkfood satisfying ego validation
But it’s only recreation
Mental masturbation
Infobesity
Infobesity
Downvote, link Snopes. Bro, you want a piece of me?
Infobesity
Infobesity
Don’t you even go there, I could unfriend you so easily.
I do the tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap dance
I do the click, click, click, click, click, click trance
More pictures, more text
Spinning in the vortex
Stuffing all the junk food into my cerebral cortex
Infobesity
Infobesity
Half a billion people seeking affirmation ceaselessly
Infobesity
Infobesity
Is it any wonder we don’t treat each other decently?
Validate me or I’ll vilify you.
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8. |
Mic Stand
01:44
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There's a song that’s coming up
For which I poorly planned
I look around the stage and I don’t see a fucking stand
With both hands occupied
Playing my keytar
I quickly scan the audience and AHA there you are
Come be my mic stand
You can join me on the stage
Holding forth the magic stick that amplifies my rage
You're a mic stand
And I feel like such a jerk
You paid to see my concert
And I put your ass to work
Up there on the stage
Standing tall and proud
Arm outstretched to hold aloft
The thing that makes me loud
Your peers are usually tripods
Or have a metal base
But you're the only one I've met with two legs and a face
You're a mic stand
And you stand there while I shout
I'm sorry if I spit on you I hope it washes out
You're a mic stand
And I can't thank you enough
I wish I had more stage equipment that would buy my stuff
Okay…there’s supposed to be a keytar solo here but you’re just staring at me and you’re like RIGHT THERE and it’s making me kinda self-conscious. Can you, like, uh, look over that way for just a minute? Okay, thanks.
*keytar solo*
You're a mic stand
Holding mics is what you do
Hey you've got another hand, man, can you hold my water too?
You're a mic stand
And I can't believe you're here
You paid to see my concert and I use you as my gear
You're a mic stand
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9. |
Too Old For The Pit
02:17
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I’m here to stand and tap my feet
And nod politely to the beat
Adjust my earplugs sip my drink and squirm
While wistfully I gaze upon
The circle where I once belonged
Back when these kids were nothing more than sperm
Too old for the pit
Too old for the pit
Too old for the pit
Too old for the motherfucking pit the rules are well-defined
I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine
If I go down you’ll help me catch my breath
But nowadays if I should slip
I’m worried I might break a hip
And CIGNA doesn’t cover walls of death
Too old for the pit
Too old for the pit
Too old for the pit
Too old for the motherfucking pit
“Hey, so are you like, here with your kid or something?”
“Well…I mean, yeah, but I’ve been a fan of this band for years. Their guitarist actually used to be in this hardcore band I used to see all the time in Western Massachusetts and…”
“Poggers. So, can you buy me beer?”
I’m 47
It fucking blows
Cuz I still like new bands and going out to shows
The breakdown hits me
I prance around
I feel my back crack
I settle down
I used to mosh and skank and slam
And come home drenched in sweat at 2am
But now at concerts
I must admit
My step count doesn’t even rise on my fitbit
Rise on my fitbit
Rise on my fitbit
Too old for the pit
I’m here to stand and tap my feet
And nod politely to the beat
Adjust my earplugs sip my drink and squirm
I squint so to see the band that plays
And reminisce about the days
Back when these kids were nothing more than motherfucking sperm
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10. |
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Okay, look...I'm trying to be civilized
And not allow my lyrics to be overly politicized
I've kept it weird and funny, dada mixed with introspection
But it's hard to not admit that since the 0'16 election
There's derision and division building up to disdain
As alternatives to facts that run from dumb to insane
Are getting louder growing clout and outright building to a shout
that flouts the laws our peers for untold years have worked to learn about
And I guess, y’know it really shouldn’t come as a surprise
That they’re using social media to propagate their lies
And I guess y’know, it really shouldn’t be a revelation
That their tactics are factless attacks and smug denigration
And I guess, y'know it really shouldn't come as a shocker
That the douches who just pushed us down and shoved us in lockers
Left us bleeding and defeated feeling like our lives weren't needed
Can't compete on this stage cuz guess who made it?
WE DID.
We brought you fire, dumbed it down so you could understand it
But now you think it's magic, you're taking us for granted
You used the very tech and platforms that we created
To spit disgust and spread distrust of everything we've ever stated
Now we can research for years, present our data in reams
But if your mother's plumber's meth dealer sends you some memes
Despite the lack of proof you think they’re just as valid as fact
So now we’re forming a pack
We're gonna take the fire back
So you're telling all your followers you think the world is flat
Now let's take a couple seconds here and just examine that
Because you typed this on your phone that sent a signal into space
And then the satellites helped spread your lies from place to freakin' place
Now a satellite revolves because the rocket that dropped it
Gave it great velocity with no friction to stop it
And the gravity that tries to pull it back to ground
Keeps it tethered to the planet so it orbits around
Now given this system, can you maybe explain
How the hell you think a satellite could orbit a plane?
You see when you pollute the skies with this illogical blight
It’s like you’re using a crayon to write “crayons can’t write”
We’ve got millenia of research into mass interaction
You’ve got paranoid responses based on rectal extraction
Perhaps then you should use your tech for playing Angry Birds
Put your thumbs where they belong, leave the thinking to the nerds
We brought you fire and your civilization was awoken
But you just peed on it and then complained that it was broken
We work our butts off blessing you with innovation
But you can’t even be bothered to consult the documentation
Now I’m not saying we’re gods, we didn’t make all the stars
We just discovered the math to show you all where they are
But you prefer to buy into that astrological flack
So now we’re on the attack
We’re gonna take the fire back
Every fact-check on a Tweet, each deleted racial slur
Is just a finger in the failing dam that’s holding back the “durrr”
And you scream that you’re repressed, that we’re silencing your voice
Well make your voice less stupid. It’s a conscious freakin’ choice
You say “do your own research” but dude, your methods stink
You just google for opinions that agree with what you think
Then you stop! Look! Proof! It’s proof! Right on my screen!
You keep using that word,I don’t think it means what you think it means
And I’ve tried to debate you but your argument’s feeble
You recite your bumper stickers then you call me a sheeple
Because I require evidence before belief?
Good grief!
Do you think you don’t need us? Think you’re fine on your own?
Great! Here’s some sand! Here’s some rocks! Go make a phone!
Cuz if you can’t play nice with the other enbies, girls, and boys
Then sorry, time out, Daddy’s taking back your toys
We brought you fire made it safer so it wouldn’t burn you
But now you think somehow we’re not the ones that you should turn to
For expertise in things beyond what you can understand
Claim we’ve got an evil plan, Slap away our helping hand
Now we’re not asking for trust, you don’t just have to believe
Take a look at our tests, we wear our work on our sleeves
But you welcome all our data like a kick in the sack
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
We brought you fire from on high, just to find your reply
Is your beak in our liver and your spit in our eye
You say you’re fighting for the right to your opinion
But you’re really just another tinfoil-hat-wearing minion
We’re bringing hope to the world, while you’re prepping for doom,
With your guns and your beans, in your sad little room
And long as common sense and decency are something you lack
Then we’re not giving you jack
We’re gonna take the fire back
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11. |
When I Was A Boy
03:21
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12. |
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I took her to Manhattan Square
We skated on the rink
I took her to the Liberty Pole
Hey hey nudge nudge wink wink
We went to the Susan B Anthony house
I took her to the MAG
Then she said “Okay, let’s get some food
Then find a place to shag”
The line at Dinosaur was out the fucking door
And the Wegmans hot bar closed at seven thirty
But she said “I know a place, where we can stuff our face
“And then hightail to the bathroom and get down and fucking dirty”
Then she fucked me at Nick Tahou’s
Cuz it was open late
She treated me just like I was
Hot garbage on a plate
I’ve lived here in the ROC for years
I’d thought I’d been around
But I’d never had hot sex in a place
Where hot’s a fucking noun
Aaaaaaaaaa she fucked me at Nick Tahou’s
Aaaaaaaaaa she fucked me at Nick Tahou’s
Not sure what happened after that
We woke up in my car
So we fucked around the city
While we blasted BER
Took upskirts at the Eastman House
Deflowered Highland Park
We desecrated Mount Hope
When the gates closed after dark
Then in the HOG, she got on her hands and knees
In the forest full of t-shirts in the corner
And to my eternal shame, I must admit I came
Staring at an autographed promo shot of Lou Gramm from Foreigner
Then she fucked me at Nick Tahou’s
Yeah we went there again
Only this time we were both dressed
As the dancing record man
As vinyl slammed on vinyl
She had her way with me
And when we were done I felt as used as a $5 CD
Aaaaaaaaaa she fucked me at Nick Tahou’s
Aaaaaaaaaa she fucked me at Nick Tahou’s
*Solo*
It took some ropes and straps, but I got her on my lap
On the couch that’s mounted to the Bug Jar ceiling
Our adventures were so sticky like a triple-X RocWiki
And no compost plate or rubbish bowl
Can heal the heartburn in my soul
There’s just no substitution for the feeling
When she fucked me at Nick Tahou’s
On 320 West Main
Never has the term for hot sauce
Seemed so fitting and profane
Home of haute cuisine de refuse
To end a drunken night
Like Rochester saw Poutine and said
“Hold my Genny Light”
Aaaaaaaaaa she fucked me at Nick Tahou’s
Aaaaaaaaaa she fucked me at Nick Tahou’s
Aaaaaaaaaa she fucked me at Nick Tahou’s
Aaaaaaaaaa she fucked me at Nick Tahou’s
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13. |
Prunes and Vomit
01:03
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Hello, welcome to the Prunes and Vomit shop, how may I help you?
I'd like to leave!
Prunes and vomit prunes and vomit
All we sell are prunes and vomit
Don't sell Windex don't sell Comet
It's a store for prunes and vomit
One's a thing few people like and hardly worthY of specializing
The other's an even harder sell, the opposite of appetizing
Prunes and vomit prunes and vomit
All we sell is prunes adn vomit
Don't sell butt plugs don't sell balm it's
Just a store for prunes adn vomit
Why'd we open this store?
Why'd we open this store?
Why'd we come up with a comprehensive business plan and borrow capital and form an LLC and register the name and get federal and state tax IDs and lease a physical storefront and apply for the proper licenses and permits and purchase an insurance policy and buy display equipment and cultivate and purchase stock from wholesale suppliers and set up a POS system and hire and train staff and maintain an active social media presence and run advertisements and sponsor a local little league team and conduct market research and...
...ohhhh market research.
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14. |
Brandon
01:42
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Oh my god!
The right finally has a meme!
See 'em strut, hear 'em scream
LET'S GO BRANDON
Sounds benign
But it's an insult in disguise
Yeah I see what you did there, guys
LET'S GO BRANDON
Watch 'em grin
All full of impish glee
It's almost swearing tee hee hee
LET'S GO BRANDON
Shout it loud
Spread it near and far
You're so clever, yes you are!
LET'S GO BRANDON
LET'S GO BRANDON
LET'S GO BRANDON
LET'S GO BRANDON
They want their way and they don't give a crap at all
If you're butthurt by their attack on the capitol
Votes be damned they know they're the winning team
But though their actions are often deplorable
Honestly it's kind of adorable
How proud they are to finally have their very own meme
See 'em beam
At a meme that's all their own
Man we liberals sure are pwned
LET'S GO BRANDON
Use it when
Bluer prose is not allowed
At church or in a NASCAR crowd
LET'S GO BRANDON
Spread it wide
On stickers and on shirts
Cuz that'll make the snowflakes hurt
LET'S GO BRANDON
A sacred symbol
Almost as adored
As Calvin pissing on a Ford
LET'S GO BRANDON
LET'S GO BRANDON
LET'S GO BRANDON
LET'S GO BRANDON
When your demographic lacks the proclivity
For making slogans that show creativity
Because the other side has all the poets and nerds
You don't need no edumacation
To make a chant for your chunk of the nation
Just find some words that kinda sound like some other words
So you scream
Lego tampon
Flex your plankton
Lick Bo Burnham
Costco phantom
Pets with pants on
Sexual Reagan
Panko manbun
LET'S GO BRANDON
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15. |
I Want a Pie
00:13
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I want a pie made out of the heads of my foes
I want a pie made out of the hearts of my foes
I want a pie made out of the guts of my foes
But if you're all out, I'll take apple
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16. |
Brick, Dave
00:10
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I'm tired of pretending you're a brick, Dave.
You're not a brick, Dave.
You're not a brick.
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17. |
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Put a weasel wagon in your Mom, in your Mom
You can put a weasel wagon in your Mom
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18. |
Eat the Mail
00:06
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Here's what's gonna happen
You're gonna eat the mail
You're gonna eat the mail now, son
You're gonna eat the mail
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19. |
Please Stop Stabbing Me
00:05
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Please stop stabbing me.
I don't like it.
Please stop stabbing me now.
(No.)
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20. |
Can You Horse
00:25
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Can you Goat?
(No you can't, Goat isn't a verb)
Can you East?
(No you can't, East isn't a verb)
Can you Frank?
(No you can't, Frank isn't a verb)
Can you Smarm?
(No you can't, Smarm isn't a verb)
Can you Horse?
(Strangely yes, though it means to equip someone with a horse and thus doesn't come up often under most modern circumstances except when followed by the word "around" in which case it takes on a completely different meaning because the English language wants to hurt you)
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21. |
Who's Got a Bag
00:08
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22. |
I'd Pull Cobras
00:28
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I'd pull cobras from the sky
Just to make you a cobra milkshake
I'd pull cobras from the sky
Just to make you a cobra milkshake
I'd pull cobras from the sky
Just to make you a cobra milkshake
I'd pull cobras
I'd pull cobras from the sky
Yes, that sky
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23. |
Schoolface
00:13
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Nobody likes Schoolface
Because his face is a school
Nobody likes Schoolface
Because his face is a school
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24. |
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Everything that's a parallelogram
Everything that's a parallelogram
Everything that's a parallelogram
Doesn't belong in your
Doesn't belong in your
Doesn't belong in your butt
Butt
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25. |
In the Mayonnaise
00:24
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There are human teeth in the mayonnaise
There are human teeth in the mayonnaise
Please pass me literally any other fucking thing
There are human teeth in the mayonnaise
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26. |
Tired of Not
00:17
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I'm tired of not having sex with you
It's my least favorite thing to fail to not do
And if you're inversely disinclined to not disagree
Please don't knock off all the dearth of not refraining from the abstinence of never not eschewing having anti-sex with me
Check my math
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27. |
France
00:04
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Eat a bag of boomerangs and swallow your butt
That's what France is for
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28. |
Do Your Balls Have Names
00:07
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Do your balls have names? (Yes.)
Why? (Cuz I named my balls)
Because you named your balls!
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29. |
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I don't wanna go to the zoo tonight
I don't wanna go to the zoo tonight
I don't wanna go to the zoo tonight
I don't wanna go to the zoo tonight
I don't wanna go to the zoo tonight
I don't wanna go to the zoo tonight
I don't wanna go to the zoo tonight
I don't wanna go to the zoo tonight
I don't wanna go to the zoo tonight
I don't wanna go to the zoo tonight
I don't wanna go to the zoo tonight
I don't wanna go to the zoo tonight
It's fucking closed
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30. |
Fueled By Angst
03:54
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In 2003
I had a great idea for a song
I took the tears and fights and sleepless nights
And turned them into a synth-punk singalong
They say living well's the best revenge
But I suspect they just don't know
The joy of seeing a song about your ex
Top the charts of the Dr. Demento show, yeah
[music] I shook the hands of my brand-new fans
Who shared my misery
They thanked me for the perspective shift
And sometimes bought a CD
A three-minute time capsule of my pain
But it's been buried for so long
That I never think about her any more
Even when I'm performing that song, cuz
I'm married to an awesome girl
My hardcore potty-mouthed princess
But the way she rocks my world
Has totally screwed my prolificness
Time is a bandage for all wounds
And though there's scars beneath each patch
How can I bleed onto the page
When there's no scabs for me to scratch?
Waiting for her to wise up and leave
Then I can cry and sulk and grieve
And maybe add a few more records to my meager discography
Cuz who the hell wants to hear a song
About a couple who generally gets along?
She's ruined me artistically cuz I'm fueled by angst - and I'm running on E
In 2010
I weighed over 300 pounds
And half the fun of my live shows
Was just watching me move my mass around
I developed a unique choreography
Of walking left to right then back
And every jaw would drop with awe
Every time I didn't have a heart attack
I'd bitch about my manboobs
And I'd jiggle them for spite
I'd shake the stage with my girth and rage
Than thank you all for coming out tonight
I'd gingerly replace the microphone
And through the crowd I'd lurch
To offend the nasal glands of the other bands
And sweat all over my merch, yeah
The elephant in every room
I learned when I was just a kid
My shield was laughing at it first
And louder than the bullies did
But it turns out eating less food works
And now I've lost a third of me
And as I shrunk so did my target
For self-deprecating comedy
Waiting for old habits to resurrect
Waiting for that familiar what-the-heck
And restoration of the mountain that this molehill used to be
My doctor loves my LDL
But my muse is cursing me from hell
No more lardass jokes for me cuz I'm fueled by angst, and I'm running on E
I need a girl to rip out my heart again
I need to burn my fat man bra
I need pain and strife to ignite my life
I need a holiday in Cambodia
I want to burn my bridges, scorch the earth
And bring about the end of days
But I'm living too far from the fuse
To ever set this world ablaze
Aaaaaaaaa....
I've got a kid, I've got a house
I'm healthy, married, and employed
Can't you feel my painlessness?
Step back, I'm mildly annoyed!
My music was a weapon once
Each verse a pure destructive beam
But from my bunker in suburbia
No one can hear me scream
And so I'll pad out every show
With songs that you already know
Bitch along with my younger voice's Prerecorded harmony
But as far as midlife crises go
This is cheaper than a GTO
And less work than therapy though I'm fueled by Angst, and I'm running on E
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31. |
It's Raining Tacos
01:45
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32. |
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Worm Quartet Rochester, New York
New album "Carpe Tedium" available now!
