We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

I've Got A Wife

from Mental Notes by Worm Quartet

/

about

Alternate title: “Juxtaposition of the Matrimonious and the Masturbatious”

lyrics

I'm 6 foot four three hundred pounds a chunk a bulgin' love

A couple chins below my head, a mullet perched above

A software engineer by trade, pure geeky through and through

I can quote Stroustrup or Douglas Adams 'til my face turns blue



Now you would think with stats like these that I'd find no affection

'cept within the crackling pages of an old Penthouse collection

But the Gods of love and logic must have been off for a day

Cuz a real live woman married me, and she seems inclined to stay



I often find it stunning

It seems to disagree

To everything I've ever seen

In movies or TV

Where the fat kid gets no fanfare

And his minor wins are muffled

So this victory's for every nerd

Who's ever truffle shuffled



Cuz I've got a wife where my porn should be

My porn should be

My porn should be

I've got a wife where my porn should be

My porn should be oh yeah



My comic book collection hits the ceiling of my room

It's a techie-haven basement lair that's never seen a broom

Where I P2P and RPG and swear I'll never rest

'Til every console I own emulates the Atari VCS (Kim: Why?)



Screeching Weasel and Weird Al stare at me from my walls

A sump pump in the corner helps me cope when nature calls (Not really)

Now take this mental image, and keep it in your head

But where the blow-up doll belongs, insert a girl instead



A mind with any sanity

This fact is sure to vex

I've got John DeLancie's autograph

But also I've had sex

These hands that solder circuitry

And code in SunOS

Have also felt the fleshy touch

Of human female breasts



Cuz I've got a wife where my porn should be

My porn should be

My porn should be

I've got a wife where my porn should be

My porn should be oh yeah

(x 2?)



I've got a wiiiiife where my porn should be

I've got a wiiiiife where my porn should be

(repeated)



Me: For more information about my wife, please consult the song 'My Wife' from my third full-length CD

'Faster Than a Speeding Mullet,' available as we speak from wormquartet.com.

Kim: That's a cheap plug

Me: It's not a plug. It's a bibliography.

credits

from Mental Notes, released March 2, 2007

license

tags