My Wife

from Faster Than A Speeding Mullet by Worm Quartet

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lyrics

My wife
Is made up of some parts
She’s got a lot of hair
She’s got a couple nostrils
I think she’s got a spleen
She argues with the fridge
And assaults my Barbeque sauce
She hisses at highway traffic
I think she’s really keen

My wife
Calls knocked-down road signs pheasants
She makes words into chicks
She doesn’t smell like aluminum
She’s never stabbed my groin
She owns electronic pork
She’s threatened me with happy horns
She let me name our cats
After obscure keyboard characters

When we’re having a lousy time
She can summon carnivals into existence with the power of her mind
And if our waitress is depressed
She can hold a fork in her tongue ring while I pick up my straw with my nosepit

My wife
Likes running over hookers
But only in Grand Theft Auto
Her pet name for me is “numbnuts”
Somehow she makes it cute
She made me a giant tampon
She talks to infomercials
She lets me touch her boobs
I think she’s really keen